I am often asked by people “why do you keep doing these things?”  “When is enough really enough?”   I simply don’t know.  Every time I finish a hard event, I am left with a feeling of satisfaction that somehow, I finish better than I started.  This doesn’t mean that I feel good, as normally I am totally exhausted and hurting.  However, I always come away feeling as if somehow, I am better for having done it.  I am always struck by how much these events simulate life – we can be cruising along and BAM we are knocked down.  In life and in endurance sports we are not defined by getting knocked down sometimes – we will.  Rather, we are defined by what we do after we are knocked down.

My recent experience at Looking Glass 100 km is a great example of this.  How does a day that starts with so much promise go off the rails so dramatically?  Coming into this race I knew I was already compromised with a swollen knee and a total lack of onsite mountain training since April.  I will expand on how I managed to still get prepared for a race in the mountains while living at 5 ft. sea level in another article later this month, but clearly my situation was not optimal.  Ten minutes into the race my ankle experienced several sharps pains that caused immediate concern.  Definitely concerning as this same ankle sidelined me two years ago and it took me a long time to get past it. Fortunately, the pains went away, and I cruised through the first 12 miles or so.  I was feeling really good at this point and excited for the crux of the event, or so I thought it would be.  Three rapid ankle turns and major falls a short time later changed my calculus on this event.  Now not only was I dealing with a knee issue, but the ankle on the other side was now in bad shape.  Fortunately, this part of the trail was fairly benign and though the falls were hard, the landing zone was not too bad.  However, the climb up Pilot Mountain, the longest – steepest of the course - is a tough one.   Being compromised on both sides made it even tougher, but I was able to persevere and got to the top in fairly good shape.  It was on the way down in super technical terrain that I suffered some fairly catastrophic falls, and these had some very rocky landing points.  At one point I was not sure I could get back up, and for the first time ever on one of these events I was hoping someone had seen me fall.  Normally, I pop right back up embarrassed for going down – I know most of you who do this stuff understand!

For some reason, the final fall seemed to at least fix the ankle issue which makes no sense and left me remembering this Cousin Eddy quote from “Christmas Vacation” when someone says Ruby Sue’s eyes are not crossed anymore.  Cousin Eddie…

"She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back, I don’t know.” 

This describes my ankle issue perfectly! 

This is not a race report but really to set the scene for why there were ten hard miles in this race.  I managed to get to mile 50 in pretty good shape, though I was struggling running and felt like I was favoring my right side significantly.  It definitely had taken a toll on me, but I felt fairly good. Had a great final aid-station stop with Heather and was super motivated to get the last ten miles done.  I was also super optimistic and thought I would finish that section in less than three hours. Boy was I wrong!  The next ten miles would prove to be the toughest of the course and left me fairly broken physically and mentally.  As always, this was temporary and long past in the rear-view mirror.

When you repeat part of a course during a race, you think you remember it.  Knowing that the last ten miles were essentially the reverse of the first ten, I felt pretty good starting out on this last section.  Clearly, I remembered nothing as the last ten miles were nothing like the first ten!  Maybe the falls had caused temporary amnesia, I don’t know.  The four-mile uphill to start was gentle but seemingly went on forever.  At this point my hip and right knee decided to act up at the same time, followed shortly by my lower back.  This produced a left lean going uphill.  The Art Loeb trail that seemed easy going out was terribly technical and my fear of falling again, I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to get up, kept me slower than I wanted.  The last four miles downhill were easy; except I was so busted up I was reduced to basically crawling.  There might have been a bit of cursing and anger at this point as I was so frustrated about my body betraying me this near the finish.  Oh yeah, they added a one-mile detour on the way back that I did not know about (as the course changed at noon the day prior) and that proved to be an emotional event for me.  When Heather called me with a mile left, likely trying to determine if they needed to send out a search party, I told her I was facing “total body meltdown.”   The falls, the terrain, and the length of the event combined with the colder nighttime temperatures proved to be a diabolical combination.   Of course, I knew I would finish but it was such a disappointing way to do so.  When I left Heather at the final aid station, I was so optimistic I told her, “I’ll see you in 2 and a half hours.”  Funny it was like 3 and a half but seemed like six. Good times for sure.  

As bad as it was, I did learn that my years of doing this stuff has built a resilience I probably did not have earlier in life.  Ten years ago, I don’t think I would have finished.  I learned in the Marine Corps that I would never quit if I had people relying on me.  However, this is not true in endurance sports where you are out there for yourself.  So, I will take this as a win, resilience won the day, though it was a bit more painful than I imagined it would be.   AS I said, life if often like that, there are some really hard times for all of us, and in the end, what defines us is how we deal with them. As always this left me feeling satisfied with enduring all this event had to throw at me.  I am very grateful for the opportunity to do events like this and to learn about what we are truly capable of.  Also grateful to have the love and support from my person waiting at the end.  Sorry to keep you waiting so long Heather – the beer was amazing by the way!!